Year 2K14

The year that went by, went away too quickly. Don’t you think? Or maybe it’s just me. I think, we go through this feeling of time crunch when we fail miserably in being happy most of the time.

It’s like this thing I read somewhere, most people claim that breakfast is their healthiest meal. We all start out with hopes and brand new beginnings at the crack of dawn but keeping up that spirit through the day becomes challenging… dealing with all the things that life throws at us, people, work, stress… we just give in and by the end of the day, what we put in our mouths is the last thing we care about. It’s almost the same thing with new year resolutions. It really makes my head spin when all the late December and early Jan deals and commercials are about losing weight and getting healthy. It’s sad when you think of it. Anyways, I did start out 2013 without a plan except cleaning up my diet and losing a few pounds to get back to pre-baby weight. And I did and that has been one of my achievements. I have learnt a lot about myself in the same process too… every time someone in the doctor’s office asks me, “Do you have a living will?” .. I realize how fleeting time is.

Before, I had some illusions about what happiness was and what would make me happy… But all round happiness I think is a myth, what makes us happy differs from moment to moment. I think what makes our life so rich and meaningful is letting that moment define what happiness means at that very precise moment. Sometimes I am the happiest person on this planet when I am running behind my very active toddler, or sometimes just taking a break and going out for an hour long quiet walk alone or with my pet. So, 2014 for me will not be about chasing happiness, it will be focussing on moments and enjoying the heck out of them! … So, below is my personal manifesto for year 2014. It sounds so simple, but I know it’ll be challenging.

Cheers to you and yours for Year 2k14! 

Finding Happiness

It’s quiet now as I sit in the living room reminiscing the last few weeks. They have been dramatically different. It’s interesting what appears in your life, once you start paying attention. After spending the last few months in extreme stress and anxiety, I realized that I hate being there and living those emotions. What a drain on energy!

The last few weeks, I have consistently paid close attention to small things that brings so much happiness in my life… my family, our little girl’s cackling laughter sometimes which sneaks up for no apparent reason, our dog’s not so subtle paw urging us to scratch her, the four of us huddled on our bed on a cloudy Saturday morning, a clean house, fresh laundry, quiet walks in the fall right before dark (like the photo above), a good book, a hot cup of tea, working out hard and screaming during that last set, sore muscles the next day, smell of coffee brewing early morning, switching on NPR on weekday mornings that indicates a brand new day, raking leaves in the yard, listening to my favorite podcasts, taking time to dream and just breathe, replaying my daughter’s moves to her favorite music on my iphone which makes me laugh so hard, a quiet dinner, a warm hug, closing my eyes mid day for a quick prayer, thanking God for the abundance in my life, singing unabashedly at the top of our lungs on a drive to the latest bollywood song, watching my parents thrilled at my daughter’s antics every weekend on the tiny webcam, seeing them laugh… come to think of it, there’s a lot in life to be happy about. But choosing to focus on the things that really, truly matters seems to be the challenge. I am a work in progress just like the rest of us.

Two days during last week, I traveled for a conference and this is really the first overnight trip I had alone, without my little one in tow. It felt strange. After the first day ended, I checked into the hotel, changed and went down for a walk. All of a sudden, it seemed so quiet and calm, yet I was restless. I walked a few blocks and strangely this center in downtown Raleigh, NC seemed like Tokyo for a minute. It made me smile, and brought me a lot of good memories from a trip we had over five years ago. As much as I crave for some ‘me’ time during the everyday craziness, this stillness around me was annoying. I would have given anything to just have my family with me at that moment. Life is so paradoxical. So, the next day, I left well before the closing note as my text message to my husband was, “Miss you guys too much to stay away (this long)” …

Fleeting Time

I don’t know if I have ever been so conscious… to the point of being scared about the fleeting time. I need to pinch myself to believe that we are almost at the end of 2013. How did that happen? Work and stress has really eaten a lot of my time this year, I haven’t had the time to focus on the things that really matter to me. Isn’t it sad when we just let the ebbs and flows decide the course of our life? For me, it’s almost unthinkable and scary, definitely not the way I want to live.

In that context, I have started reading again, a little here and a little there. Sitting down comfortably with a book and a cup of tea is a distant dream now, but I have no qualms about that. Having a full life makes me happy, and being productive at work gives me a sense of purpose but, like the rest of us, I have my moments…like now. I have been listening to the audio book, “Manage your day-to-day” and listening to some of the greatest artists, writers, and people in business talk about daily habits made me really question some of my own perplexing questions about time that always seems to be fleeting in my life… and the wise words of Gretchen Rubin echoes in my head all day “The days are long but the years are short.” That’s so true; today my fourteen month old enjoyed the fall leaves on our driveway, and with each sweep of the broom, she laughed uncontrollably and I couldn’t just stop watching her and enjoying that moment. This little thing that came from my womb is now coming of age toddler, and that moment right there, I wanted to capture it and frame it in my head.

From now on, I wish to go back to being mindful about my every day, this fragile thing we all are bestowed equally with, 24 hours in a day.. focussing it on things that matter to me and makes me fulfilled and happy. It’s 9 pm, time to relax, and settle in with a book for the next few minutes. Good Night!

Sanity Prevails

When I was in high school, and college, I heard a lot about ‘stress’ on television and never stopped to think what it was! I must say, I wasn’t even a bit curious initially, it was one of those things that adults went through, or maybe something associated with rich people. I must confess, I used to watch Oprah’s talk show diligently for a long time in my early 20s while still living in India, and every time the show focussed on ‘stress’ and how Americans dealt with ‘stress’ I would be fascinated. I really thought it was something that only Americans and Westerners went through, because my middle class Indian (the Eastern kind!) upbringing was always fraught with problems that my parents struggled with, like not being able to make ends meet, how they worked hard day in and out to raise us, sometimes having to forgo simple pleasures like a piece of cake to paying the bills on time, my mother waking up every morning at 2 am (yes, the water was released by the authority only for an hour or two in the wee hours!) to fill water in all forms of buckets we could find and sometimes the dishes from the kitchen were conveniently used to save water for the family, keeping a credit line (in good faith of course!) at the local grocer… no, the word ‘stress’ was not used at all!

But fast forward 15  years, and I am here! ‘Stress’ is a big part of my life, and I didn’t even know it was eating me up slowly… while all along I denied its existence! Sadly, though… no one thought me how to deal with stress, and now I am learning bits and pieces of it! Yes, stress is when you make things more important than they really are, stress is when you assume only the worst to happen with zero saving grace. The initial phase of the last few months have been, learning that I have stress… in trying to be a super mom, wife, worker, manager, writer, entrepreneur, house-maker while I restore my health, and sanity… all at the same time and hoping this delicate balance of sustenance doesn’t break!

But now I am in this second part of the learning… how I need to just let go at times, yes, if I have to get good and balanced at any of this. Yes, in trying to get my health back and get in my workouts, I might have to overlook the cleaning part sometimes, yes.. in trying to keep my little girl pretty, I might have to forgo that piece of makeup for me… trying to keep the house tidy, I might not have the time to work on ‘work’ on week nights and weekends… I am learning, unlearning and relearning at the same time. We all have priorities in life, and we assume we can be the best in everything.. but in reality, we have to give some here and there and not beat ourselves up with guilt. Yes, life is too precious to be lost in the to-do lists of everyday… Thankfully, sanity prevails… but I know this learning is just the start! Happy Sunday everyone…