Year 2K14

The year that went by, went away too quickly. Don’t you think? Or maybe it’s just me. I think, we go through this feeling of time crunch when we fail miserably in being happy most of the time.

It’s like this thing I read somewhere, most people claim that breakfast is their healthiest meal. We all start out with hopes and brand new beginnings at the crack of dawn but keeping up that spirit through the day becomes challenging… dealing with all the things that life throws at us, people, work, stress… we just give in and by the end of the day, what we put in our mouths is the last thing we care about. It’s almost the same thing with new year resolutions. It really makes my head spin when all the late December and early Jan deals and commercials are about losing weight and getting healthy. It’s sad when you think of it. Anyways, I did start out 2013 without a plan except cleaning up my diet and losing a few pounds to get back to pre-baby weight. And I did and that has been one of my achievements. I have learnt a lot about myself in the same process too… every time someone in the doctor’s office asks me, “Do you have a living will?” .. I realize how fleeting time is.

Before, I had some illusions about what happiness was and what would make me happy… But all round happiness I think is a myth, what makes us happy differs from moment to moment. I think what makes our life so rich and meaningful is letting that moment define what happiness means at that very precise moment. Sometimes I am the happiest person on this planet when I am running behind my very active toddler, or sometimes just taking a break and going out for an hour long quiet walk alone or with my pet. So, 2014 for me will not be about chasing happiness, it will be focussing on moments and enjoying the heck out of them! … So, below is my personal manifesto for year 2014. It sounds so simple, but I know it’ll be challenging.

Cheers to you and yours for Year 2k14! 

Finding Happiness

It’s quiet now as I sit in the living room reminiscing the last few weeks. They have been dramatically different. It’s interesting what appears in your life, once you start paying attention. After spending the last few months in extreme stress and anxiety, I realized that I hate being there and living those emotions. What a drain on energy!

The last few weeks, I have consistently paid close attention to small things that brings so much happiness in my life… my family, our little girl’s cackling laughter sometimes which sneaks up for no apparent reason, our dog’s not so subtle paw urging us to scratch her, the four of us huddled on our bed on a cloudy Saturday morning, a clean house, fresh laundry, quiet walks in the fall right before dark (like the photo above), a good book, a hot cup of tea, working out hard and screaming during that last set, sore muscles the next day, smell of coffee brewing early morning, switching on NPR on weekday mornings that indicates a brand new day, raking leaves in the yard, listening to my favorite podcasts, taking time to dream and just breathe, replaying my daughter’s moves to her favorite music on my iphone which makes me laugh so hard, a quiet dinner, a warm hug, closing my eyes mid day for a quick prayer, thanking God for the abundance in my life, singing unabashedly at the top of our lungs on a drive to the latest bollywood song, watching my parents thrilled at my daughter’s antics every weekend on the tiny webcam, seeing them laugh… come to think of it, there’s a lot in life to be happy about. But choosing to focus on the things that really, truly matters seems to be the challenge. I am a work in progress just like the rest of us.

Two days during last week, I traveled for a conference and this is really the first overnight trip I had alone, without my little one in tow. It felt strange. After the first day ended, I checked into the hotel, changed and went down for a walk. All of a sudden, it seemed so quiet and calm, yet I was restless. I walked a few blocks and strangely this center in downtown Raleigh, NC seemed like Tokyo for a minute. It made me smile, and brought me a lot of good memories from a trip we had over five years ago. As much as I crave for some ‘me’ time during the everyday craziness, this stillness around me was annoying. I would have given anything to just have my family with me at that moment. Life is so paradoxical. So, the next day, I left well before the closing note as my text message to my husband was, “Miss you guys too much to stay away (this long)” …

Fleeting Time

I don’t know if I have ever been so conscious… to the point of being scared about the fleeting time. I need to pinch myself to believe that we are almost at the end of 2013. How did that happen? Work and stress has really eaten a lot of my time this year, I haven’t had the time to focus on the things that really matter to me. Isn’t it sad when we just let the ebbs and flows decide the course of our life? For me, it’s almost unthinkable and scary, definitely not the way I want to live.

In that context, I have started reading again, a little here and a little there. Sitting down comfortably with a book and a cup of tea is a distant dream now, but I have no qualms about that. Having a full life makes me happy, and being productive at work gives me a sense of purpose but, like the rest of us, I have my moments…like now. I have been listening to the audio book, “Manage your day-to-day” and listening to some of the greatest artists, writers, and people in business talk about daily habits made me really question some of my own perplexing questions about time that always seems to be fleeting in my life… and the wise words of Gretchen Rubin echoes in my head all day “The days are long but the years are short.” That’s so true; today my fourteen month old enjoyed the fall leaves on our driveway, and with each sweep of the broom, she laughed uncontrollably and I couldn’t just stop watching her and enjoying that moment. This little thing that came from my womb is now coming of age toddler, and that moment right there, I wanted to capture it and frame it in my head.

From now on, I wish to go back to being mindful about my every day, this fragile thing we all are bestowed equally with, 24 hours in a day.. focussing it on things that matter to me and makes me fulfilled and happy. It’s 9 pm, time to relax, and settle in with a book for the next few minutes. Good Night!

Trials and Tribulations

Just like every writer I have had the pleasure to read or hear about… I struggle with writing. So, yesterday my best friend in this whole wide world, my husband said shared something very poignant and quoted Hemingway,

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.”

So, in that very sense, I write this post.

Yes, we blinked and our little girl just turned a year old. 

I don’t know if there’s any other truest statement I can think of at this moment. Time truly flies. And that feeling became overwhelmingly real last Thursday, and in the wee hours, as I stood by her bed, and watched her slowly snoring facing her back to me with her legs tucked in, a miniature me … plain amazed at how this little ‘being’ has made her way into the deepest recesses of our hearts. All I could think of was the joy, and sadness… profound sadness that this little girl has grown, and her newborn days are slowly becoming a memory. It made me sad, and tears rolled by. Maybe it was just the realization that time moves so quickly, or maybe this toddler will be far different than the innocent baby that would lay there hours together without as much as a peep, or just the fact that our own age catches up with us so quickly, and being reminded of my own mortality or maybe just the plain hormones of a mother… I cried, in sheer joy. I thanked the Lord for being ever so grateful to bless us with this child… I spoke to my mother at the other end of this world, with tears flowing… my tears made up for the words that didn’t come out of my mouth. My tears thanked her for all the patience and love, and joy and care she had given unconditionally all these years, and silently apologized for all the mistakes, and sadness I had in turn given her.

Trials and tribulations we all go through as parents, but yet, we would not give up any of it to have it any other way!